The Competition
by Wilted Passion
Summary: When Vegeta and Goku overhear their wives' conversation, they can't help but have to figure out who's the best. Poor Trunks and Goten may not survive the night. But, the universe begs the question, who is the true Saiyan King of the Bed? Non-yaoi. One-shot.


On a planet called Earth, in a city named West, within a compound known as Capsule Corp., a doorbell rang. Vegeta hated the doorbell. It was loud, annoying, and signaled that someone had come to disturb his day. Of course, he had known it would ring that day for about three hours or so.

That damn woman was going to get it.

She just had to invite them over! Sure, after the whole Buu incident, he had begrudgingly accepted Kakarot as a…_friend_, but that didn't mean he had to enjoy the buffoon's company! And his harpy of a wife! For the love of Kami, he could not understand what was appealing enough about the woman for the third-class to marry her – even if he had been tricked.

Bulma answered the door with a grin. "Chichi, Goku! Why don't you come in for a snack? I assume the boys are already outside?"

"Stirring up a ruckus as usual, I'm certain."

They entered the kitchen and after a human feast, or saiyan nibble, Vegeta hesitantly joined them when he realized that the gravity room had been disabled for the day. "Oh, hiya, Vegeta! You up for a spar?" Excitement glistened in the younger saiyan's eyes and the prince could feel himself itching to battle as well.

"Only if you think you can keep up." So they flew off to a distant forest where they could freely maul the landscape, leaving their wives behind to discuss whatever it was middle-aged women with super alien husbands and children talked about.

It was two grueling hours later that their fists simultaneously crashed into each other. They both collided with the ground, panting, bruised, and satisfied. "I think that's enough for today, Vegeta. I can't feel my arms and I'm absolutely starving!"

"Of course, you're always 'starving' you moron."

"Aw! That wasn't very nice, Vegeta."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I don't do nice, Kakarot." Vegeta dusted himself off as he stood.

Goku pouted childishly as he stood as well. "It's a miracle Trunks was ever born. You know that?"

"Oh, so you are familiar with sarcasm?"

The saiyans flew back to the compound, Goku happily chattering away while Vegeta did his best to ignore him. When they arrived, they were welcomed with high-pitched giggles coming from the living room. "He didn't!"

"He did! I swear! I know he's an alien and all, but you'd think he could figure out how to use a microwave after being surrounded by high-tech equipment his entire life!" Both women burst out laughing while Vegeta blushed furiously.

Saiyan senses, sharp as ever, picked up the powerful stench of sweat coming from his training partner. "Oh, for the love of-! Go take a shower Kakarot!"

"But I just got here. I don't wanna fly back home!"

"Then use one of the stupid guest rooms, I don't care!"

"I'm not the only one who smells!"

Again, he blushed. "Whatever." He stalked off to bathe. Roughly twenty minutes later, both men emerged from their rooms, Goku having washed his gi while in the shower dressed accordingly and Vegeta in sweat pants and a black shirt. They were both on their way to regroup with their spouses, but just as they were about to enter the room, Goku emitted a muffled shriek of surprise when he was dragged back behind the wall, Vegeta's hand covering his mouth as he demanded silence. When he was confident Goku was silenced, he inched closer to the doorframe and listened, the younger saiyan mimicking his actions.

"So, how is he?" Bulma looked confused for a moment, but was clued in by the other woman's suggestive quirk of the brow.

"Oh my Kami, Chi, he is amazing! You'd be hard pressed to find a place in this house where he hasn't taken me to high-heaven and beyond."

Vegeta smirked evilly. Goku understood why they were eaves dropping.

"I mean, for someone so pigheaded, he is incredibly creative. But I guess that's expected since he is a prince and all. It's a shame he can only make me so happy in bed. Everywhere else, he makes sure to be the biggest thorn in my side possible."

They giggled again.

"So…? How is Mr. Didn't-even-know-what-a-girl-was-until-he-was-twelve?"

"Well, I must say, for marrying a man who lived most of his childhood in ignorance of the differences in the sexes, I am a very, very, satisfied wife."

"Wow…"

"Honestly, it's a wonder I still have my voice. He is so skilled – and yet, he manages to break just about every dish I own."

More laughter. Their conversation seemed to fade out as the men in question snuck up to the recreation room.

"How much you wanna bet that they heard?"

"Depends on how much zeni my soul is worth."

* * *

"Men."

"Wow…I didn't know she thought I was _that_ good…"

"Stop gawking at the revelation of your abilities, Kakarot. It's not that much to be proud of, especially considering that you've yet to compare yourself with the best," he said with a superior smirk.

"Hey! I think it's pretty obvious I'm better than you are! Third-class or whatever or not!"

"Tch. Denial is not a healthy thing."

"Yeah, so you should stop doing it!"

"You should stop being so immature!" Vegeta took a step forward.

"You're the one who had us eavesdrop like little kids!" Goku took a step forward.

Vegeta took a menacing step. "Intelligence gathering is not for little kids! It takes stealth, patience, and-"

"And a height limit of two feet!" Goku took a firm step.

"I believe it is quite clear that I am far more skilled than you."

"You wanna bet!"

They were toe-to-toe.

"Gladly. You and your harpy will stay here for the night. Whoever makes their woman scream the loudest wins."

"Deal."

And the battle of testosterone began.

* * *

Later that evening…

They weren't quite sure how, but it was arranged that the Son couple would stay the night in the room right next to that of the Briefs'.

They went into their respective rooms, Goku and Vegeta exchanging scowls as they did so. Several minutes later, feminine moans came from both quarters. They escalated until they molded into screams.

"VEGETAAA!"

"GOKUUU!"

* * *

He flipped another page of the toy catalog, unimpressed, glancing up at Goten when he asked, "What are our parents doing, Trunks?" He raced by another car in the video game. "I mean, they're being _awfully_ loud."

He turned back to the catalog. "Don't worry about it. My mom and dad do this, like, every night."

"But, mine don't. And what exactly _is_ it that they're doing?"

"Wow, three syllable word," he mumbled under his breath. "They're just wrestling. Or something. My mom said it's Dad's way of training with her. They probably just taught it to your parents. Don't worry about it."

"But it's so weird. Why would they do it when everyone's trying to sleep?"

"They're busy during the day is all."

"It sounds like they're having fun. Do you think we could go wrestle with them too?"

Trunks' eyes widened. "I really don't think that's a good idea, Goten."

"Why? We should go play with them too."

He threw the glossy papers to the floor and approached Goten. He paused the game and shook his shoulders slightly to ensure his attention. "Believe me when I say this, if it the last thing you learn from me. You _never ever, ever _interrupt when your parents are wrestling. I was lucky to get out alive when I had the same idea you just did."

"But-"

"_Never."_

* * *

The next day…

"I won."

"You wish."

"Go to hell."

"Already been there."

"So have I."

"Don't care."

"Just admit that I won."

"Just accept defeat at the hands of you ruler."

"You're not the boss of me."

"Well, I suppose if you were any kind of real saiyan I would be."

"That doesn't even make sense because we both know that Chichi was louder."

"Please. While that may be true when she is furious, my woman was far more vocal."

"Nu-uh."

"Stop being childish."

Trunks entered the room, wiping the last remnants of sleep from his eyes. He glared at the two adults. They continued to argue without taking notice of him. Knowing it was impolite to yell at guests and too tired to think about the safety of his allowance, he approached his father.

"Geez, Dad. I could almost ignore Goten's parents but you and mom have never trained that loudly before. I didn't sleep at all!" Angrily, he stormed off to take a nap, thinking he would get it later. He was unaware that Vegeta had just decided to reward him with some ice cream later.

Goku stood, jaw slack. He raised his fingers to his forehead and left.

Vegeta began to laugh maniacally, softening his voice to a low chuckle when he felt slender arms hug him from behind.

"You know, Chichi was quite upset when Goten told her we were louder. She tried to convince me that she let you win because you might go on a rampage or something."

"You humans have so little faith in me it's astonishing. Had Kakarot bested me in a matter as important as this, the entire universe would be burning by now."

"I will never understand men – no matter what species."

"Just wait for Kakabrat #2 and Trunks to grow up."

Bulma groaned.

* * *

_A/N:...My first attempt at humor. I can totally imagine this._


End file.
